What is the Speed Limit on Love?

On our way back home from the neighborhood diner, a friend and I debated how fast is too fast and how slow is too slow when working towards a committed relationship. How soon is too soon for a man to proclaim that he wants to date a woman exclusively? Two weeks into meeting someone is definitely too soon to commit to exclusivity, isn't it? How long is too long to give your all to a man before he feels compelled to make it official? Certainly a year and a half of "dating" or "kicking it" is a bit too long to wait to finally decide you want to make the relationship official, isn't it? Well, this has proven to be relative to the individuals involved in the "arrangements" or "courtships". Some people jump head first into relationships, learning their partners as they go. Others utilize the strategy of waiting their partner out, consistently observing to see if they change or have been leading with their "representative" instead of their true self. Stacey and Andrea dated for about two years on and off before they realized that it just wasn't meant to be. Within the first two weeks of knowing each other, Stacey treated Andrea to a weekend escape in Miami. Stacey was the perfect gentleman, reserving a suite with two bedrooms instead of one. This was a sincere effort to ensure that Andrea felt completely comfortable and it definitely worked. To top it off, Stacey didn't even attempt to seduce Andrea at any point during the trip. Just three short weeks after their initial Miami escape, Stacey helped Andrea celebrate her 28th birthday by surprising her with another weekend getaway. He took her to an exclusive resort attached to one of the finest, luxury malls in Tampa, Florida. Stacey was definitely succeeding in sweeping Andrea off her feet; however, there was a question that lingered in the back of Andrea's mind. She tried to disregard the question but it continued to permeate her thoughts. True to form, Andrea's newly discovered prince charming took her on a spring break rendezvous to Puerto Rico a month after her birthday trip. Considering that this was their third trip since they met two months prior, the question lurking in the back of Andrea's mind was finally verbalized: Are we moving too fast? Naturally, Andrea was floating on "cloud 9" as a result of Stacey's attempt to impressively gain her heart. In just two short months he had done what a lot of men don't do for their girlfriends or wives in a lifetime. In addition to the spontaneous vacations, Stacey showered Andrea with beautiful gifts. For her birthday, he laced her with the Louis Vuitton Damier, Speedy 30 handbag with the matching wallet. On any given day of the week it was likely for Andrea to be surprised at work by flowers. Not an assumed bouquet of roses, but Calla Lilies and Birds of Paradise, to name a few. Stacey was aiming at the jugular when it came to love and he would stop at nothing less than Andrea's heart. He also furnished her home with flat screen televisions for every room, all during a 60 day period. Further supporting her doubts of moving too fast, Andrea and Stacey moved in together during month four of them knowing each other. Although they enjoyed a peaceful coexistence most of the time, the relationship wasn't solid enough to endure. Initially being blinded by the allure of a relationship, they later realized that they really didn't have an innate desire to be together. Truth be told, they didn't like each other that much after further inspection. Perhaps if they would have spent more time getting to know one another instead of indulging in surface level attraction, then their relationship could have grown into something much more genuine and stable. When Taylor and Andre’ initially met, they had both just ended long term relationships. Needless to say, intentions and expectations were minimal in the beginning. Neither of them was seeking permanent commitment, at the time at least, so they started off as just being friends. They would hang out at local bars, restaurants and clubs like two "homeboys", eliminating any preconceived pressure and ultimately becoming true friends in the process. As nature would have it, the attraction came along shortly thereafter. Taylor and Andre' began spending more time together and eventually they crossed over into a gray area of their friendship by becoming intimate. In an attempt to not complicate things, they both continued with the "I don't want a relationship" facade. This worked out perfectly for Andre', because although his feelings had grown tremendously for Taylor, he wasn't ready to even entertain the thought of settling down. His lack of desire to commit wasn't exclusive to Taylor; he just wasn't ready to be held accountable for anyone's feelings on that level. Taylor followed Andre's lead, secretly knowing that she wanted more. Since Taylor was much more sensitive to a man's perception of commitment and relationships, she continued to be Andre's friend without expressing how she truly felt inside. Taylor was beyond wanting to take their friendship to the next level, she was ready for Andre' to make her his first priority. However, she didn't want to pressure him or make him feel like their relationship had to change in any way as a result of her professing her desire for more. As they proceeded in their relationship, the bond deepened and Taylor's need for commitment silently grew. Now, two years have passed and Taylor and Andre' are still in the "homie-lover-friend" zone with no clear sign of the final destination being a relationship. To the outsider, they would appear to be a happy couple. From the inside, however, it's a different story. Taylor has expressed her desire to work towards a relationship, unlike before when she kept it concealed. Andre' has expressed the fact that he loves Taylor and the current state of their friendship, although still not ready for an exclusive relationship. This situation is definitely a "catch 22", it will ultimately end with Taylor becoming fed up with waiting or Andre' realizing that he wants what he's been avoiding all this time, a committed and exclusive relationship. To some, Stacey and Andrea may have moved way too fast for their liking. Meeting and moving in together within four months of knowing each other can appear excessively premature to most. There was no time to truly get to know each other, without allowing outside factors to play too much of a roll in the formation of the relationship. Others may debate that Stacey and Andrea wouldn't have worked out no matter how much time they worked on the relationship. In Taylor and Andre's case, I am going to assume that most would agree that they have known each other well over the "imaginary" allotted amount of time to decide if they want to move forward. Some may even argue that Taylor and Andre' have had what it takes for a solid relationship since their first spark of attraction. Certainly love has no minimum or maximum speed limit. The speed of your arrangements, courtships and relationships are ultimately for you and your partner to decide. If it feels right from day one, go for it! And in the same token, if your "third eye" is telling you to take your time and feel the situation out as long as needed, then follow your instincts!