Single Black Female

A friend of mine posted a Facebook status the other day that provoked much thought and reflection into my life, as well as, the lives of some of my friends. The status read: “Why are there so many successful, single black women? Please elaborate…” Naturally, since opinions are like butt holes, everyone had one on the topic. There were a plethora of reasons given by the black female Facebookers and a few reasons provided by the males. As a (previously) single black female in the city of Atlanta, I can formulate a laundry list of reasons why a beautiful, successful sister would be single in this day and age. First off, there aren't enough black males for every black female on the planet. That is our very first disadvantage. That being said, the playing field is ridiculously unleveled, in favor of the men. Guess this would be the opportune time to start dating outside of our race ladies, if you aren't already doing so. Secondly, there are a large amount of black males that are gay and simply not interested in women at all. Then you have the brothers that are confused or in denial about their sexuality, hence, the "down low" brother. With all of the non-existent and unavailable men eliminated, we're left with a very small selection of men for a massive amount of women. That leads us to our next dilemma, the epidemic of sharing men. With such a wide variety of women available to the eligible bachelors it puts us women at a vast disadvantage. Men can have their "pick of the litter" so to speak, often juggling multiple women at a time, and attempting to take full advantage of our disadvantage. I won't put all the blame on the men, however, because there are many women willing to actively participate in the sharing of a man. Some women feel that a piece of man is better than not having a man at all. Also, some women don't feel the need for an emotional connection so using a man for physical purposes only lends itself to inclusivity. This creates a culture of men who don't feel the need to settle down, because they aren't being asked to do so by the women in their lives. So now we're left with an even smaller selection of eligible bachelors. Sifting through them can be much like going through the clearance rack at Marshalls or TJ Maxx. You have to look very carefully to make sure you don't miss any stains, rips or malfunctions that could cause damage later on. The gift of discernment and the ability to see through flagrancy definitely comes in handy here. It is my belief that when you initially make the acquaintance of someone new, you are meeting their representative. You don't actually meet the real person until further into the relationship. Finding out that the person you fell in love with is someone totally different than who you believed them to be can be a definite deal breaker. Music, media and culture have a major impact on the whole "group think" syndrome and pressure of living up to a certain allure or standard. Considering men have large egos, they are more likely to put on a false image of status, wealth and power to attract women. This is the result of low self-esteem, external pressure and also an attempt to disguise a lack of substance within. Unfortunately, this is the situation that many women find themselves in, only after becoming deeply involved with a man. Now the decision has to be made to continue the relationship, ultimately settling, or end the relationship and return to being another single black female. I will play devil's advocate for a second and say that many women don't know what the hell they want. Better stated, they know what they want, but often it's not what they need. Many of us want the reformed bad boy or brother with swagger, when what we really need is the gentleman who is going to treat and make us feel like a woman. Some women want the man who doesn't call for days instead of the man who will check in daily to make sure they're okay. Some even want the man who only has time for them once in a while instead of the man who wants to wine, dine and spend quality time. Then there are the women who prefer to spend their time catering to a man that never caters to them. I could go on for days as to why there are so many single black females but that would be pointless. The reasons are endless, all encompassing and relative to the individual. Certainly, if we asked one hundred single women why they are single we would get one hundred different answers. The fact is being a single black female has become a widespread epidemic, with no signs of a cure. This is just another harsh reality of the generation and culture that we currently claim as our own.